DJ Blogger: Tainted Love

It has been decently long enough since I've done this - so let's go to it: and for today's spoofed collection of verbiage set to some wanky tunes - let's try "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell. Why? Because I put this dumb ass CD in my car stereo today called "It Came From the 80s" with mostly really really bad bad (read very very representative) tracks like "Ask" by The Smiths or someone. Ugh. But Tainted Love - I mean come on now - even Marilyn Manson likes Tainted Love. That oughta tell ya something! Ahem.

Wow - I just referenced Manson - not Charles mind you which ought to be just as likely I suppose knowing me - in my blog...this is turning into quite a day. LOL

And without further ado - I give you "Tainted Love": The Interactive Rewrite Remix...

Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light
For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

(chorus)
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Oh...tainted love
Tainted love

Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want it any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you'll think love is to pray
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way

(chorus...)

Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Tainted love, tainted love (x2)
Touch me baby, tainted love (x2)
Tainted love (x3)

Now - those of you who read my first one (see the previous DJ Blogger entry) - are wondering - um where's the pithy rewrite, where's the tennis match-like verbal volleying of theirs and mine...

I have a simple set of instructions in response to that: re read those lyrics...only now - you are picturing a dude, or a chica - I don't care much what gender - coming out of fast food restaurant with a greasy ass bag of something...then cue the music and send said person a few hours ahead - now the lyrics begin as we pan forward to this person kneeling beside their bed, doubled over, clutching at their abdomen - jumping up to run (still bent over) to the bathroom...barely making it mind you then grabbing at their abdomen again and falling to the floor (you can envision the state of the floor for yourself) in agonizing pain.

Here I must pause in our recreation as there is that word "heart" which could easily imply a heartburn sort of situation....but that is too obvious - this is a song of poetry not gross retelling of physical maladies...i will show you shortly why the pain drives into the very heart of the singer...Shared love is again another element of poetic coloration...

Ok so back to the image - "seems to go nowhere" is clearly an indication that the "shared love", i.e. consumption of said fast food meal, has gone nowhere as far as the burger-dude collective is concerned - i.e. the two will not become united as burger is summarily rejected by body.

Now dude is hobbling his way back to his room - but can't seem to straighten up enough to flick on the switch - and has therefore lost his light.

And clearly this ailment will not allow this kid to sleep at night.

The chorus then is a lament - a double entendre of course as it references lost innocence as this boy discovers that not all burgers are cooked alike....as well as he realizes that his former passion could actually be the source of such pain and suffering without any warning. A complex relationship - and indeed he has given it all that "a boy could give". Youth may not have anything to do with it - but maturity of understanding how this world works, and more importantly what temperature burgers of the non-vegetarian, seared flesh, charred higher-order life form variety need to be cooked at for how long in order to avoid being tainted with E.coli O157:H7 - as well as having a mature outlook on the likelihood that your local vendor of said burgers will maintain said protocols on a consistent basis.

"Take my tears" and "that's not nearly all" is obviously making reference to the diarrhea that has probably hit by now - relieving this poor suffering boy of a good deal of his salt-containing body fluids, thereby throwing off his water balance a good deal.

So the next stanza is a bit hard to pull apart - clearly more poetry...but what are the metaphors? Holding tight, praying, what is "it" that the burger doesn't want anymore? For this we need to look deep within ourselves in fact and think about how we view food - how our body processes food and what kind of relationship we set up between ourselves and the food we consume. Even before we do that "praying" is perhaps the most obvious metaphor for any among us who have...shall we say 'prayed to the porcelain gods'? Not my brand of praying either, I have to agree with him there. Now if we endow the food/the burger with anthropomorphic or at least animate characteristics - it would then befit this poet to speak of "holding tight" as something that the burger, and it's constituent parts "need" in order to fulfill their purpose (the "it") of being consumed and becoming an integral part of the boy's chemical makeup... Hmm I'll leave a potential makeup tangent alone for now. But this symbiotic fusion is what feels right, so to speak.

Now the final stanza makes it plainly apparent to all that this boy is conflicted. He still loves his burgers - and he feels the pull and tug (touch) of the mass media's campaign to enhance and intensify his need, his addiction to the burgers - and so he feels teased and tortured by all of this. And what can he do but to pack his bags, either literally or at least change his daily routine to avoid the fast food joints, network tv commercials, bill boards, newspaper ads and inserts, garbage cans with their insidious spent burger/soda/etc-carrying vessels, et cetera etc.

But then he says "touch me baby, tainted love" - he's given up the fight even before it truly began. He's back at the fast food place - and all we can do is look on and wish him luck and plenty of bottled water and loperamide at home. Mmm - tainted love. But hold the fries - they might be flavored with essence of Bessie or something. :P