Three NZ Headliners

From The New Zealand Herald - very very tiny newsclips with LOTS of ads. But stumbled upon these 3 interesting stories thanks to this site all the same (linked from another story that is not quite as amuseyou-worthy), so might as well give the paper due credit, rather than finding the stories cited elsewhere. :D

And now for homicidal milking cows, torched schoolbuses and 'i smell a new reality show op'

1) How the meek have fallen...first the suicidal sheep...now the cows are taking action too? Then again maybe the cow was into S&M and things just got out of hand...so to speak. Oy - I know I know - I can hear the big dude pulling out my well-used file once again...scritch scratch. I keep trying to tell him, don't bother - I intend to spend my whole life seeking out sinful experiences and littering my conversations with blasphemy. But he seems to somehow enjoy writing me up...maybe _HE_ is the ultimate sadomasochist ... ha. Figures.

anyway politics and religion... neither to be discussed according to Ms. Lilly who is hoping she can make a difference in the world sitting in the park with a sign and encouraging random people to talk to other random people or herself about anything and everything (save those two subjects above).

2) Seemingly benign story about students protesting grades and the police brought in to bring the situation into control...I can see that - I mean if any of my students ever dared challenge my grading policies, clearly I might either take it personal and bring about a massive smackdown on their hindparts, then proceeded to flunk em all, OR I could wonder if it is all my fault, that I'm a bad teacher, not a good motivator and I'd take seriously that old saying about lighting a fire under someone's butt.......but umm what did the buses do to them to deserve being flamed also? And what are warning shots? I mean is it tequila, rum, whiskey etc? This is important info that wasn't included in this puny report. Can I even call it a report. I should think something like this _at minimum_ deserves some kind of research and a few more paragraphs. But I could be delusional. Ya never know!

and last but actually not least,

3) Number three...Yes yes our _three_ chief weapons are indeed fear, despair and a ruthless efficiency. Hmm sounds like the corporate world. Boy don't I miss that ... paycheck that is. :)

• But this story has naught to do with fear, despair, efficiency (ruthless or otherwise), weapons, corporations, paychecks or even the proper use of the ellipsis...instead it has to do with the UN's renovation project and possible bids...from whom, you say? Donald Trump. LOL oh boy - what joy. But like I said - I smell the makings of another reality show on his behalf guest starring Kofi Annan (maybe they can get him to model some Gucci suits or something)...

LOL losing steam here - must sleep. Until next time...here's more written earlier...

-------------------------------------------------
blah blah this is a link baa baa black sheep ...

Ok that wasn't coherent or relevant really (though it had a singsongy assonance to it - remember from Educating Rita, assonance is 'getting the rhyme wrong')

But as for lacking relevance, same could be said of the link included which takes you to a story on the website of what used to be (??) maybe not alternative radio exactly, but at least a more objective _alternative_ to mainstream media. Not really. And definitely not lately. The link is of course, another of NPR's attempts at a "lighter side of the news" filler spot that seems to pervade on talk radio to some degree. And yes - the kid was dumber than dust - we get that. But people in general are dumb. This has been proven again and again - and I'll outline the dumb folks here for you jsut in case you too are either momentarily lacking or permanently challenged in that regard:

• - the kid (not sure if you got that...my sarcasm can be too thick at times...*hands u a well-sharpened knife*)
• - the kid...(um, just checking..)
• - the kid
• - the robbers for leaving shit behind...! i got u there - actually no, the robbers were smart...'bc see if we leave a stash behind...see...then when the cops get here, right...well they'll find the stash right and think it as the kids - well cuz it is the kids...was the kids...yanno and yeah like the cops will have to arrest him and he can't like press charges behind bars n stuff...and won't come looking for our butts....yeah yeah brilliant.'
• - the cops? i'll leave this one up to the audience to comment/discuss amongst themselves....i aint going there...nearly had a runin with one today on the road home which is now speed trap heaven bc of some idiot (told you they are everywhere) who got into a nasty accident...now we all have to suffer...also, i had '4' 7's on my grocery receipt from Whole Foods and '4' 1s the last time i check the clock...
• - NPR for airing the spot? Definitely! Bingo - you got it. After all:
• They don't spend enough time as it is on important world n national issues, in trying to really dig deep and be unconventional, or in just presenting objective, unbiased (as much as that is possible!) facts about the news of the day/week so we can all make our own minds up about stuff...
• They forget one very important but true fact...which is that, most of us diehard NPR-nerds (despite the sharp decline in quality) probably already get stupid stories like this daily:
  
• 1-2/day just from reading news ourselves online...
• another 1 from that last friend who refusing to stop forwarding "this is really funny - no - really - you gotta read it" stuff to you despite your threats of bodily harm and other forms of injustice...
• and another still from reading blogs much like this one...
• last one added just for good measure again - i'm in that kinda mood tonight
• Giving us a _grand total_ of 5, maybe 6 inane stories of the assine things people do to themselves and others et cetera et c...

So the last thing we need is one more tossed our way from the radio! lol You want sensational...fine...but make it relevant sensationalism. Like us pulling a Jeffrey Amherst on the Martians with our microbes...Just like Agent Smith said:

Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure. (Thanks imdb.com - a true staple of net-geeks and film-buffs, esp those that claim both hats as their own.)

Vacuum Tube Heist

So the only thing I find fascinating about the bank robber story from Chicago, besides the fact that some people aren't sure who is dumber in this whole tale: the robber, the tellers or the reporters who covered the story, is that the Bangkok post decided it was worthy of a headline on July 14th.

Sadly the link has seen disappeared - but google still has a bit of it cached...same words you'll see in the homegrown reporting of it... Although apparenty there was a headline of "Brazilian bandits make a clean breast of things"...hmm i dunno if i should go there. LOL

No no links in this post - you can find it yourself, if you are really that curious.

Bottom line: dude + car + driveup + vacuum tube = $ transfer + tellers out a job + stupid net freaks n bloggers gabbin about the story + my desire to see fight club (thrown in for stoichiometric purposes, of course). Ahh - a link worth adding. :D Enjoy.

Ah I didn't look at the "omitted search results"...The Hindustan Times of India also carried the story, along with Reuters UK, and two in Australia. Still - it is the opinion of this writer that it is one thing if our own people are ignorantly following like...sheep...ahem (see a recent prev post for the inside joke)...but for the international community to give it weight as well is mildly troubling...though then again, one _could_ look at it as cathartic for overseas folk...a bit of humor at the expense of americans. Hmm - i think that might be healthy though, we could all use a good dose of reflection from time to time, self or otherwise.

Clearly It is A Sign...

Perhaps we aren't like squirrels after all...but...well...like sheep. The analogy is just that much more apt now...oh well. Baa baa baaa...

The Latest Obesity Pill

Feeling full prevents overeating?

The company being created around this is called Thiakis.....hmmm...thigh - a - kiss? Fascinating. I'd like to have been at _that_ marketing meeting...

Don't get me wrong with my sarcastic tone - i'm all for lowering leptin and (other) adipose hxs.& adipose hormones (the article seems to think that leptin is outside of this group but it is another adipose hormone)..but...haven't we heard a lot of these promises before? So let's not all dream of the days when controlling appetite with a chemical switch is _the_ way to a slim, trim, tight bod! Not anymore than usual anyway (for _some_ of us that is...K-achoo-S...not naming names naturally)...

BTW they're thinkin' a nasal spray or an injection...heck why not just toss it in with the msg, serve 1/10 the average portion size and charge just as much to cover the cost of this new-fangled "health benefit"...or maybe in the toothpaste - but then again the restaurants and food manufaturers (oops - freudian slip! lol) manufacturers won't be able to directly benefit...or will they?

The Original Smoking Gun Dead At 92 7/24/05

Sir Richard Doll

"The Smoking Gun" and "smoking gun"

An AlterNet post to pass the night....

Which deadly sin do you represent? (Angel Sanctuary Pics)


brought to you by Quizilla

Guest DJ DeDrum: A Little Unwell

"A Little Unwell" by Matchbox 20

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

The following analysis is provided courtesy of DeDrum - thanks brotha! With some added commentary from me (of course):

The funny thing is that right now, we're reviewing neurology.

If you give me time, I think I can figure out just what this person had....

Off the top of my head (no pun intended :-):

* "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell" - could suggest paranoia, delusion

* "I know right now you can't tell" - Most depression is un/underdiagnosed. But, most people with depression don't know they're depressed really

* "stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me" - Could suggest mania, indicating a bipolar disorder. Might also want to consider multiple personality disorder with this one.

* " I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired" - Functional Impairment is a key aspect of most psychiatric disorders

* " I know right now you don't care" - Delusions? Paranoia? An irrational, paralyzing fear that is unbidden and persists? (suggesting of OCD?)

* "But soon enough you're gonna think of me /And how I used to be...me" - Indicates a functional change over time. Could suggest a progressively debilitating psychiatric disease (most manifest themselves in the late 20s) or a disease of neurologic origin, like Huntington disease, Parkinson disease, Alzheimer disease, or Creutfel-Jakob disease (aka scrapie, BSE or 'Mad Cow' disease) I'd be worried about potential for stalking behaviors here also...but then again no one does stalker theme songs like The Police's "Every Breath You Take".

Happy Birthday Patrick Stewart!

I wanted to write a poem or something for him - but a) he'll never see it and b) I am too sleepy and need to do some plotting for the Asimov...Maybe we'll have a party in Ten-Fwd for PS. :D

Oooh - a better sendup to the man: a link to his most amusing current production I supposed (aside from the RSC work for the next year and of course XIII (X-Men III that is):

Domestos! The Germs (aka misery peddlers) WILL die! (scroll up and click on TV Ads over to the left) High speed cnxn is best of course.

Oh I wish I lived in the UK. I think.

DJ Blogger: Tainted Love

It has been decently long enough since I've done this - so let's go to it: and for today's spoofed collection of verbiage set to some wanky tunes - let's try "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell. Why? Because I put this dumb ass CD in my car stereo today called "It Came From the 80s" with mostly really really bad bad (read very very representative) tracks like "Ask" by The Smiths or someone. Ugh. But Tainted Love - I mean come on now - even Marilyn Manson likes Tainted Love. That oughta tell ya something! Ahem.

Wow - I just referenced Manson - not Charles mind you which ought to be just as likely I suppose knowing me - in my blog...this is turning into quite a day. LOL

And without further ado - I give you "Tainted Love": The Interactive Rewrite Remix...

Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light
For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

(chorus)
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Oh...tainted love
Tainted love

Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want it any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you'll think love is to pray
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way

(chorus...)

Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Tainted love, tainted love (x2)
Touch me baby, tainted love (x2)
Tainted love (x3)

Now - those of you who read my first one (see the previous DJ Blogger entry) - are wondering - um where's the pithy rewrite, where's the tennis match-like verbal volleying of theirs and mine...

I have a simple set of instructions in response to that: re read those lyrics...only now - you are picturing a dude, or a chica - I don't care much what gender - coming out of fast food restaurant with a greasy ass bag of something...then cue the music and send said person a few hours ahead - now the lyrics begin as we pan forward to this person kneeling beside their bed, doubled over, clutching at their abdomen - jumping up to run (still bent over) to the bathroom...barely making it mind you then grabbing at their abdomen again and falling to the floor (you can envision the state of the floor for yourself) in agonizing pain.

Here I must pause in our recreation as there is that word "heart" which could easily imply a heartburn sort of situation....but that is too obvious - this is a song of poetry not gross retelling of physical maladies...i will show you shortly why the pain drives into the very heart of the singer...Shared love is again another element of poetic coloration...

Ok so back to the image - "seems to go nowhere" is clearly an indication that the "shared love", i.e. consumption of said fast food meal, has gone nowhere as far as the burger-dude collective is concerned - i.e. the two will not become united as burger is summarily rejected by body.

Now dude is hobbling his way back to his room - but can't seem to straighten up enough to flick on the switch - and has therefore lost his light.

And clearly this ailment will not allow this kid to sleep at night.

The chorus then is a lament - a double entendre of course as it references lost innocence as this boy discovers that not all burgers are cooked alike....as well as he realizes that his former passion could actually be the source of such pain and suffering without any warning. A complex relationship - and indeed he has given it all that "a boy could give". Youth may not have anything to do with it - but maturity of understanding how this world works, and more importantly what temperature burgers of the non-vegetarian, seared flesh, charred higher-order life form variety need to be cooked at for how long in order to avoid being tainted with E.coli O157:H7 - as well as having a mature outlook on the likelihood that your local vendor of said burgers will maintain said protocols on a consistent basis.

"Take my tears" and "that's not nearly all" is obviously making reference to the diarrhea that has probably hit by now - relieving this poor suffering boy of a good deal of his salt-containing body fluids, thereby throwing off his water balance a good deal.

So the next stanza is a bit hard to pull apart - clearly more poetry...but what are the metaphors? Holding tight, praying, what is "it" that the burger doesn't want anymore? For this we need to look deep within ourselves in fact and think about how we view food - how our body processes food and what kind of relationship we set up between ourselves and the food we consume. Even before we do that "praying" is perhaps the most obvious metaphor for any among us who have...shall we say 'prayed to the porcelain gods'? Not my brand of praying either, I have to agree with him there. Now if we endow the food/the burger with anthropomorphic or at least animate characteristics - it would then befit this poet to speak of "holding tight" as something that the burger, and it's constituent parts "need" in order to fulfill their purpose (the "it") of being consumed and becoming an integral part of the boy's chemical makeup... Hmm I'll leave a potential makeup tangent alone for now. But this symbiotic fusion is what feels right, so to speak.

Now the final stanza makes it plainly apparent to all that this boy is conflicted. He still loves his burgers - and he feels the pull and tug (touch) of the mass media's campaign to enhance and intensify his need, his addiction to the burgers - and so he feels teased and tortured by all of this. And what can he do but to pack his bags, either literally or at least change his daily routine to avoid the fast food joints, network tv commercials, bill boards, newspaper ads and inserts, garbage cans with their insidious spent burger/soda/etc-carrying vessels, et cetera etc.

But then he says "touch me baby, tainted love" - he's given up the fight even before it truly began. He's back at the fast food place - and all we can do is look on and wish him luck and plenty of bottled water and loperamide at home. Mmm - tainted love. But hold the fries - they might be flavored with essence of Bessie or something. :P

Lies Must Be Credible

Go here and click on Bush's face. Straight truth - no bushit!

A Belated Happy Canada Day

'twas July 1st so:

To all my Canadian pals out there - cheers!

And don't worry - I know I can't escape from the tyranny for a while longer but its still nice to know that just over the border are people who give a crap about shit like low VOC paint and bans on pesticide use in residential lawns and many other such things.

When you do start opening up your doors to the US refugees - I'll be there...just like the song says. :)

Lions and Tigers, OH MY?!

Umm - I heard about this a few days ago - when my little sister came running in to tell me about the "Liger" she just saw on tv. The what? Yeah you heard me right, 'Liger'. A lion-tiger breed. So really this post should be titled: Birds do it, Bees do it, even cross-bred mammals do it.

Hmm - you can probably imagine my response - though age appropriate at the time - was really more akin to "What kind of f'n perversion is that?"

So basically - I can't quite figure out if this was done by "accident", i.e. "nature" such as it exists in a Zoo, took over and well ... the liger (and tigons apparently at other zoos) was born...sterile..most likely...or far worse - the zookeepers types were bored and decided to have a little fun with breeding. Maybe they were drunk or something and decided it would be cool to coax a lion to mate with a tiger - however _that's_ done! And as for sterility, they have yet to test to find out it sounds like...Things that definitely make one go Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Ahhh - this presents an interesting possibility though - this interspecies breeding. After all Dubya is - for all of us just outside of Jesus land and otherwise unaffiliated with said organization - an ass (and yes, dear Dogberry, it is writ). And so if we were to cross said ass (as he hath doublecrossed us collectively for so long now) with a horse (now Laura dearest - you aren't that hard on the eyes but bear with me here - for the sake of science and your lost liberalism...and no liberalism is not herein a euphemism for virginity...) then we would get a mule!

Ah and a mule would bring us that much closer to the promised land. I speak of the '40 acres and a mule' to put it in plain terms. And if that mule don't pull, Daddy's gonna buy us a recession, fool!

Jon Stewart's Commencement Address

William and Mary (Class of 1984)

Clearly the year he graduated is poetic enough in and of itself. Butthe trouble with this speech is - it was very sarcastic of course, in classic JS style but...and this is one big ole butt - I doubt any of that sarcasm translated into anything more than one of two major potential responses: 1) *laughing uncontrollably* JS is da bomb! Now where did I hide that other beer? or 2A) *pursed lips* Well! I don't suppose we'll be having _him_ back again anytime soon, will we? 2B) No I guess not, but he is a celebrity after all.

And so - lost amidst a virtual stream-of-consciousness speech are commentaries on timely events and an only-too-obvious recent past and the requisite flashbacks.

Overall - it was funny, but that goes practically without saying. And it hit some important points, especially the whole "war on terror" "issue". Quote un quote. Sigh. A war on ennui though? Hmm - I might wanna enlist for that. And what about angst and revelry? Or a war on anything-but-apple-pies-and-football-and-Hooters? I mean - while we're at it and all...

Gotta laugh right?

Oh one more thing, Jon - terror is a noun. Just so you know. But maybe you did that on purpose just to prove the dangers of an American education system, particularly as related to teaching grammar...:-D